He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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