Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So much rum. So many feels.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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