Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
