see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize