she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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