Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
