The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
