He is an equal opportunity slut.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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