Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
