Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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