just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize