Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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