This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
