We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Randomize
