I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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