Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
