There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need a beard to bite.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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