Too much gin, very little bucket
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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