Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
