My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
