I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green