I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.