Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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  (405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/m2vh
  Replies (30) Good night (3882) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

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  (916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms http://tfl.nu/1qb7
  Replies (27) Good night (11746) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.

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  (913): Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in. http://tfl.nu/xn3x
  Replies (16) Good night (800) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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  (205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h
  Replies (4) Good night (3383) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...

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  (817): he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet... http://tfl.nu/na2h
  Replies (9) Good night (3169) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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  (870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0
  Replies (5) Good night (1822) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  you are never too drunk for berry picking

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  (254): you are never too drunk for berry picking http://tfl.nu/1gaj
  Replies (7) Good night (1380) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter

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  (760): The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter http://tfl.nu/uanv
  Replies (6) Good night (878) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back

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  (352): As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back http://tfl.nu/26q8
  Replies (5) Good night (1305) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes

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  (818): the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes http://tfl.nu/djiq
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.

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  (859): No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too. http://tfl.nu/lxn7
  Replies (9) Good night (708) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.

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  (561): I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished. http://tfl.nu/wm2d
  Replies (1) Good night (966) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.

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  (513): These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours. http://tfl.nu/mjj7
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!

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  (207): C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!! http://tfl.nu/tb1b
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas

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  (303): I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas http://tfl.nu/dh3n
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (136) Order T-Shirt

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