Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.