I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
