How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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