you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
