I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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