Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize