So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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