cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
