I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
