Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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