Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
