she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
