I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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