I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...