I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!