There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
