i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize