i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was like eating out sand paper
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
