well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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