I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
