You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
