my phone needs a breathalizer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
