i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
