nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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