Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
