Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
