just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
