Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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