She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
