Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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