Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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