Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
