Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your dad touched me again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
