seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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