i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have fence marks all over my body
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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