no, he came in my armpit
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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