Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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