Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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